A cold day

Boy, it's breezy outside. I rarely go outside anymore. I had talked to my mother yesterday and she recommended that I take a short walk right out in front of my condo. We have a circle in the parking lot that my condo faces. She said it might help my stress and mood. So, I did.
Although it was cold, it felt better to get some fresh air. My temperature was better this morning and although I have a cough and runny nose I do feel alittle better. I slept ok last night and got a quick nap this morning also.
You know I have noticed that if a person dwells on everything that is wrong with them, it affects their outlook on life. I remember I used to go to the park, walk around the complex and see more of my friends, but now I don't. If you have followed my blogs, I'm sure you have noticed that I don't have that perky view of anything right now.
I don't like that I have continued to tell anyone who talks to me how bad I feel all the time. If I had to talk to someone that complains all the time, it would get on my nerves. I think that this journey of mine that I begun 1 year ago has dwendled into a downward spiral. My "rational mind" sees this. I always try to pretend that everything is ok, but it isn't. I find myself sinking into a deep depression. I don't tell my family about this because they would just worry.
I have done alot of research, reading books and searching online that a persons view of themselves can affect their health and environment. It can affect personal relationships and your ability to cope.
When I worked at my last job at UAB I was in charge of a motivational group. I would always hear myself portray this optimistic leader, but inside I was unsure of myself.
It's hard to see outside the box. And now that I have diabetes my depression has gotten worst.
I just don't know what to do to make myself happy anymore. I just go through the motions everyday. I try to think about caring for my cat, because who would do it if I wasn't here.
I think it's important if I remember how hard I've tried to work to stay alive. My sister reminded me of this just recently. It just seems that everything is falling in around me, which is a classic sign of depression. Even if I'm well versed on this, it doesn't make it easier.
I'm glad I blog, because it gives me a chance to look at what I'm thinking and to possibly move forward.
Today is a new day.