Again we haven't had a sunny day. I think it's been at least a week. Well we are in the spring now where storms usually occur. Hopefully we'll see some sun this weekend.
I spent the whole day yesterday doing "spring cleaning." I cleaned out my closet. Got all of my winter clothes out and summer clothes in. I cleaned the hardwood floors then I waxed them. Cleaned out the dust tubing of my dryer, I try to do this when the seasons change. Then I washed the bedskirt, bedspread and of course the sheets on my bed. Oh, and I also dusted. Whew!!!
I've been busy today finishing up some research for the NGAGE team. Well at least one section I needed to do.
I don't know where all of this energy came from. But it's nice to be busy again. I'll be able to earn alittle money doing this research, so thats nice.
No leeds on the job front again. Thats after searching two web sites and the newspaper. I saw on the news that Alabama's unemployment rate has improved somewhat. It was 10.2%, now it is 10%.
The jobs are still hard to find.
Well thats my news for the day. Talk later.
women get social
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
pets
You know I often wonder what goes on in a persons mind when they abuse animals. I've been tuning into animal cops this week. As I've said before on previous blogs, I think people who do abuse animals are pure evil. Example:
There was a case on the program yesterday where these two older women had placed newborn pups in the garbage. There were 13 pups in total. A neighbor of theres rescued two and called the ASPCA. Three were dead in a single bag and a total of eight were alive still in other closed bags. All of the pups died after days in the vet except for two.
Thankfully the two older women that had done this were charged with 13 felony counts of animal abuse. But if you think about it, most of the animal abuse doesn't get reported and probably thousands of animal die each year because of this ongoing problem.
I just couldn't imagine seeing animal abuse. I think if I did I would loose all control with the owner. Being a animal cop would be a hard job for me.
That makes me think of my kitten that I adopted who had been abused at 5 weeks old. Thank God I've got her now and she is living a good life.
I have volunteered with animal shelters before and it is the most gratifying thing you can do. You know you're helping animals that need attention.
There was a case on the program yesterday where these two older women had placed newborn pups in the garbage. There were 13 pups in total. A neighbor of theres rescued two and called the ASPCA. Three were dead in a single bag and a total of eight were alive still in other closed bags. All of the pups died after days in the vet except for two.
Thankfully the two older women that had done this were charged with 13 felony counts of animal abuse. But if you think about it, most of the animal abuse doesn't get reported and probably thousands of animal die each year because of this ongoing problem.
I just couldn't imagine seeing animal abuse. I think if I did I would loose all control with the owner. Being a animal cop would be a hard job for me.
That makes me think of my kitten that I adopted who had been abused at 5 weeks old. Thank God I've got her now and she is living a good life.
I have volunteered with animal shelters before and it is the most gratifying thing you can do. You know you're helping animals that need attention.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Gloomy Monday
Wow, I don't think the sun has been out at all today. It's been so gloomy. Thankfully I've had something to do today. It helps the time go by.
To change the subject. Don't you just hate people that call late at night that have wrong numbers? It sounded like an elderly woman on the phone last night. She called twice, but it was late in the evening. It's like hello! I told you the first time you had the wrong number, duh....
Back to Monday. When I was working, I used to wish that there was no work day on Monday. I would always swear that I would be willing to work a few extra hours during the week to have a longer weekend.
Thats funny to think back.
I went to my favorite grocery store this morning. I had to pick up a few things, but I had an alterior motive. There is this really good looking man that works there. I know I shouldn't be flirtatious, but I can look! At least that hasn't left me. I remember when I would get second looks from men, but now that doesn't happen often. I don't think it's due to age, I think you "carry" yourself differently when you do get older. At least thats what I'm telling myself. :]
Well, thats about all for the day. Talk later.
To change the subject. Don't you just hate people that call late at night that have wrong numbers? It sounded like an elderly woman on the phone last night. She called twice, but it was late in the evening. It's like hello! I told you the first time you had the wrong number, duh....
Back to Monday. When I was working, I used to wish that there was no work day on Monday. I would always swear that I would be willing to work a few extra hours during the week to have a longer weekend.
Thats funny to think back.
I went to my favorite grocery store this morning. I had to pick up a few things, but I had an alterior motive. There is this really good looking man that works there. I know I shouldn't be flirtatious, but I can look! At least that hasn't left me. I remember when I would get second looks from men, but now that doesn't happen often. I don't think it's due to age, I think you "carry" yourself differently when you do get older. At least thats what I'm telling myself. :]
Well, thats about all for the day. Talk later.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
A full weekend
It was my goal this weekend to see the folks that are dear to me. I did. I have been going through some hard times lately and I wanted to spend time with those closest to me. I feel so blessed to have them in my life.
I think it's important to remind those dear to you how much they mean to you. I have a great support system when I'm down. And I have found that the more you connect with people the fullest your life is. The only person I didn't get to see was my brother. He's so busy now with socializing. He has recently divorced. Well not recently. I think it's been about two years now since his divorce. Anyway, I had a good weekend which I'm also thankful for. I did get to have a few chats with my friend from Jasper, Al. That was nice. She just gotten back online, so now I can email her when I want to instead of writing a letter and waiting a week to stay in touch.
Still not sleeping every night, but I am getting about 3 to 4 hours a night, which is alot for me right now. Tomorrow begins a new week and I hoping it will go well. Thanks to those who are following my blog. Have a good Monday!!!
I think it's important to remind those dear to you how much they mean to you. I have a great support system when I'm down. And I have found that the more you connect with people the fullest your life is. The only person I didn't get to see was my brother. He's so busy now with socializing. He has recently divorced. Well not recently. I think it's been about two years now since his divorce. Anyway, I had a good weekend which I'm also thankful for. I did get to have a few chats with my friend from Jasper, Al. That was nice. She just gotten back online, so now I can email her when I want to instead of writing a letter and waiting a week to stay in touch.
Still not sleeping every night, but I am getting about 3 to 4 hours a night, which is alot for me right now. Tomorrow begins a new week and I hoping it will go well. Thanks to those who are following my blog. Have a good Monday!!!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Good Morning!
Well, another day has come. It's about 6am on a Saturday morning. Even though it's real early, I have had a good nights sleep. I'm one of those ladies that go to bed early. Whats the saying? Early to bed;early to rise? Well thats me. I like it in the morning at these hours because everything is still and quiet. I found another poem I wrote years ago. Actually, I wrote this when I was 19/yrs. old. It's called Friendship:
Friendship defies age and ignores distance.
It weathers the hard times and share the good, together we have found this.
Our friendship has provided acceptance and understanding in a world that usually pushes people apart.
The first general rule for friendship is to be a friend.
To be open, trustworthy and loyal.
The second rule for friendship is to take time for that friendship.
After all, what would life be without true friendship?
I'm glad I kept most of my writings. It's been fun exploring through things I've written in the past. It's also like opening up a door. You see what motivated you in your youth to what motivates you now. Hope everyone has a good weekend. Talk later...
Friendship defies age and ignores distance.
It weathers the hard times and share the good, together we have found this.
Our friendship has provided acceptance and understanding in a world that usually pushes people apart.
The first general rule for friendship is to be a friend.
To be open, trustworthy and loyal.
The second rule for friendship is to take time for that friendship.
After all, what would life be without true friendship?
I'm glad I kept most of my writings. It's been fun exploring through things I've written in the past. It's also like opening up a door. You see what motivated you in your youth to what motivates you now. Hope everyone has a good weekend. Talk later...
Thursday, March 24, 2011
A Nightmare
Well it's 12:41am Thursday. I fell asleep pretty early about 8:40pm. So, I've slept for a little over, no exactly 4hrs. Anyway folks, I had the worst dream I have ever had in my life. I don't think I'll be going back to sleep anytime soon. Here is goes:
I dreamed that this thug was injecting me with something
to make me go into a diabetic shock. I could feel myself
dying. I was trying to voice a scream to my dad then my
mother. I think I even yelled for my brother. It was while I was screaming
that I woke up. I don't know if I woke up screaming or not.
When I did get up I was soooo scared. I had left the TV on when I fell asleep at 8:40. I had to make sure I was safe at home. Unfortunately I am WIDE AWAKE now. I did get a nap yesterday, so hopefully I've had enough rest. I wonder if anyone drinks coffee at this hour because I'm up for the day. Boy, I keep telling my cat Butter what a bad dream that was.
I am able to remember most of my dreams, good and bad. This one I'll never forget.
Well, I hope everyone has a good Thursday! Just think, it's only one day left until Friday!!
I dreamed that this thug was injecting me with something
to make me go into a diabetic shock. I could feel myself
dying. I was trying to voice a scream to my dad then my
mother. I think I even yelled for my brother. It was while I was screaming
that I woke up. I don't know if I woke up screaming or not.
When I did get up I was soooo scared. I had left the TV on when I fell asleep at 8:40. I had to make sure I was safe at home. Unfortunately I am WIDE AWAKE now. I did get a nap yesterday, so hopefully I've had enough rest. I wonder if anyone drinks coffee at this hour because I'm up for the day. Boy, I keep telling my cat Butter what a bad dream that was.
I am able to remember most of my dreams, good and bad. This one I'll never forget.
Well, I hope everyone has a good Thursday! Just think, it's only one day left until Friday!!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Memories
You know it's funny to look at old pictures of your youth. Friends that were important in your life and places you went to. I found some pictures of me when I was 17 - 18yrs. of age. I was very active with show jumping. Thats jumping cross poles in horse shows. Every day after school for two years I would go to a farm out on Valleydale road [this was before anything was developed on the road] and go to a horse camp.
I would clean out stables, exercise the horses and participate in shows. I took care of one gray mare called Hocus Pocus. I remember that I would always bring sugar cubes and apples for her when I saw her. My favorite time there was when I would ride bareback to a pond and wade in the water with her.
Boy, it seems that life was so easy going then. I still gear towards horse books and pictures even though I have long sense given up riding. I would have loved to have my own horse farm with pigs. I know that sounds odd, with pigs. I have always thought pigs were adorable. Their messy and stink ,but they are smart animals.
I wonder how different my life would have been if I went in that direction. No hustle and bustle going to work everyday, no condo bought and no lay off.
All you can do is your best and hope everything works out.
I would clean out stables, exercise the horses and participate in shows. I took care of one gray mare called Hocus Pocus. I remember that I would always bring sugar cubes and apples for her when I saw her. My favorite time there was when I would ride bareback to a pond and wade in the water with her.
Boy, it seems that life was so easy going then. I still gear towards horse books and pictures even though I have long sense given up riding. I would have loved to have my own horse farm with pigs. I know that sounds odd, with pigs. I have always thought pigs were adorable. Their messy and stink ,but they are smart animals.
I wonder how different my life would have been if I went in that direction. No hustle and bustle going to work everyday, no condo bought and no lay off.
All you can do is your best and hope everything works out.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Naps
I just took a really restful nap. I wasn't planning to sleep, but I did. I kept waking up last night hot. I've done this two times in the past week. I mean sweaty hot. I talked to my mother this morning and she says these are signs of prementapausal. Oh great!!! I don't know if I agree with that, I'm too young for that. I think. Hehaw!!!
Going back to naps. I feel refreshed and relaxed. Most of the time it's hard for me to get a nap during the day, but today was different. I also had pleasant dreams. I usually don't and wake up in the middle of a dream thinking whatever was happening in my dream was happening for real. It's that point where you are waking up, but still asleep. Thats funny. I sometimes think of how people sleep walk.
I would think that would be the closest to sleep walking. Or those that talk in their sleep. I have found sometimes that I talk in my sleep because I would wake up doing that. I remember an old boyfriend of mine would tell me that I would grocery shop in my sleep. Rambling off lettuce, cereal, bread etc... I would deny it of course, but often wonder if that was true.
When you don't sleep you feel like you have a hangover and your in a bad mood. I know this happens because I find myself not sleeping alot of the time. I seem to be very sensitive to noise. My cat usually wakes me up early or sometime in the night wanting to play. My old cat used to holler in the night while looking out the window. I never got used to that. But I do miss her terribly. Her name was Molly and she was my very first cat. She had a gentle soul and was very trusting and loving. She died last June. My new cat named Butter was a bit farrel when I brought her home. She has slowly began trusting me. She's actually turned into a lap cat, plays all the time and loves her belly to be rubbed.
Well thats about all the news I have. I think I'll do something constructive today, I 'll walk to the window... Just kidding. I was doing research work for my sister when I took a break and then fell asleep. Happy Tuesday!!!!
Going back to naps. I feel refreshed and relaxed. Most of the time it's hard for me to get a nap during the day, but today was different. I also had pleasant dreams. I usually don't and wake up in the middle of a dream thinking whatever was happening in my dream was happening for real. It's that point where you are waking up, but still asleep. Thats funny. I sometimes think of how people sleep walk.
I would think that would be the closest to sleep walking. Or those that talk in their sleep. I have found sometimes that I talk in my sleep because I would wake up doing that. I remember an old boyfriend of mine would tell me that I would grocery shop in my sleep. Rambling off lettuce, cereal, bread etc... I would deny it of course, but often wonder if that was true.
When you don't sleep you feel like you have a hangover and your in a bad mood. I know this happens because I find myself not sleeping alot of the time. I seem to be very sensitive to noise. My cat usually wakes me up early or sometime in the night wanting to play. My old cat used to holler in the night while looking out the window. I never got used to that. But I do miss her terribly. Her name was Molly and she was my very first cat. She had a gentle soul and was very trusting and loving. She died last June. My new cat named Butter was a bit farrel when I brought her home. She has slowly began trusting me. She's actually turned into a lap cat, plays all the time and loves her belly to be rubbed.
Well thats about all the news I have. I think I'll do something constructive today, I 'll walk to the window... Just kidding. I was doing research work for my sister when I took a break and then fell asleep. Happy Tuesday!!!!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Innocence
Ok, I've got another poem for you. This one was written when I was 30/yrs. old. Lets see what you think. It's called Innocence:
When a child is young, he is taught that nothing is more magical than his dreams.
Through his eyes an adult can see pictures of unicorns running free in forests of ginger bread houses filled with tiny fairies whispering their secrets to travelers of legends.
Wooden soldiers appear riding sea horses in the oceans battling one-eyes monsters.
Wonderland castles are built from chocolate towers surrounded by ice cream moats.
As long as a child dreams, innocence dwells within.
Innocence can never harm the pure at heart and this is where the story begins...
It is now 2:06am. I woke up with a stuffy head and sore throat. Once up, I decided to blog. Maybe the nighttime hours will allow me to slumber again.
When a child is young, he is taught that nothing is more magical than his dreams.
Through his eyes an adult can see pictures of unicorns running free in forests of ginger bread houses filled with tiny fairies whispering their secrets to travelers of legends.
Wooden soldiers appear riding sea horses in the oceans battling one-eyes monsters.
Wonderland castles are built from chocolate towers surrounded by ice cream moats.
As long as a child dreams, innocence dwells within.
Innocence can never harm the pure at heart and this is where the story begins...
It is now 2:06am. I woke up with a stuffy head and sore throat. Once up, I decided to blog. Maybe the nighttime hours will allow me to slumber again.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Renters
You know, when you live in a condo community you will always have renters living there. Renters usually don't care about trash in the parking lot or how the property looks. About 6/yrs. ago, a renter left a grill unattended to on there deck and it burned down the entire building.
So naturally when you see an open flamed grill on someones deck or patio you get concerned. My friend and I noticed this last night. When we went to the resident to tell her about the grill and the fact that this was the cause of the building that had burned down she claimed that hers was an electric grill. But the only thing about this was that there were 3 feet of flames coming up on her grill.
The fire department was called to come out,which they did. When I looked at the grill about 1 hour later the lid was on it. So, I didn't know if the fire department asked them to turn it off or not. Or if the neighbor just had the lid on it while still grilling.
I was suppose to check it a few hours later but I ended up falling asleep.
I don't think I overreacted because of the dangers it had presented. You just never know.
I think it's better to be safe than sorry. What would you have done?
So naturally when you see an open flamed grill on someones deck or patio you get concerned. My friend and I noticed this last night. When we went to the resident to tell her about the grill and the fact that this was the cause of the building that had burned down she claimed that hers was an electric grill. But the only thing about this was that there were 3 feet of flames coming up on her grill.
The fire department was called to come out,which they did. When I looked at the grill about 1 hour later the lid was on it. So, I didn't know if the fire department asked them to turn it off or not. Or if the neighbor just had the lid on it while still grilling.
I was suppose to check it a few hours later but I ended up falling asleep.
I don't think I overreacted because of the dangers it had presented. You just never know.
I think it's better to be safe than sorry. What would you have done?
Saturday, March 19, 2011
A new day
I feel much better today,more optimistic. I've been taking a medicine for my nerves and it seems to have leveled off. I got up today after sleeping a full night, drank my coffee and went back to Walmart to get fresh fruit, sugar free pudding and notepads. I forgot to get these on Thursday when I was there grocery shopping. The air was light and warm. I just love these days. Actually today is the last day of winter,so the saying is true,spring is just around the corner.
I have my blinds down on my patio. Because my condo faces the parking lot and faces a busy road, I feel that I have more privacy when their down. And I also don't feel that all eyes are on me. I had actually forgotten about my blinds this past week. If I hadn't forgotten they would have been down much sooner.
You know, when you are feeling good, your "world" is much more appealing.
Hopefully today I'll get alot of cleaning done. I'm washing clothes now,which I haven't washed clothes in about two weeks. I'll try to dust and vaccum also. I did get the hardwood floors dusted earlier.
Hardwood floors are nice, but it takes alot of work to keep them clean.
Well that my news for the day. Have a happy saturday. Talk later.
I have my blinds down on my patio. Because my condo faces the parking lot and faces a busy road, I feel that I have more privacy when their down. And I also don't feel that all eyes are on me. I had actually forgotten about my blinds this past week. If I hadn't forgotten they would have been down much sooner.
You know, when you are feeling good, your "world" is much more appealing.
Hopefully today I'll get alot of cleaning done. I'm washing clothes now,which I haven't washed clothes in about two weeks. I'll try to dust and vaccum also. I did get the hardwood floors dusted earlier.
Hardwood floors are nice, but it takes alot of work to keep them clean.
Well that my news for the day. Have a happy saturday. Talk later.
Friday, March 18, 2011
A surprise!
Boy, I've had surprises before but not like this. I met my sister at her house this morning when she says lets go to the mall. She went into a store called Perry Computers. Well she bought me a new computer. It's a MAC. 21" It's sooo cool. It has a wireless mouse and keyboard. It's soo fast. My laptop I had for about four years was so slow. It would always freeze when I was online or blogging. It came with only a 1/2 gig of memory and I bought another 1/2 gig when I got DSL. I'm not quite sure what this new one has, it doesn't matter really cause it's fast.
I bet you can tell I'm not computer savy, but maybe with this one I will learn to become more intuned with computers.
What was also nice about today is that I got to spend some quality time with my sister. This doesn't happen much because her plate is so full all the time, so I relished in it today. I really miss her since our relationship is 110% closer than ever before. I also got to see my nephew today which was a real treat.
I was told by my doctor this past Monday not to drive this week because of my nerves. My sister thought I would be OK so I tried it and was OK. My dear friend Jan has been tooting me around town this week.
You know, I feel very blessed to have such a good friend.
Well thats my news for the day. Happy Friday!!!
I bet you can tell I'm not computer savy, but maybe with this one I will learn to become more intuned with computers.
What was also nice about today is that I got to spend some quality time with my sister. This doesn't happen much because her plate is so full all the time, so I relished in it today. I really miss her since our relationship is 110% closer than ever before. I also got to see my nephew today which was a real treat.
I was told by my doctor this past Monday not to drive this week because of my nerves. My sister thought I would be OK so I tried it and was OK. My dear friend Jan has been tooting me around town this week.
You know, I feel very blessed to have such a good friend.
Well thats my news for the day. Happy Friday!!!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Wet
It's raining outside and still. When I was in my twenties and couldn't sleep I would write down things that were on my mind. Some were poems, Some were just thoughts. I was much more artistic then. I was thumbing through a drawer this morning and I found my book called Footprints in the sand. This is just a folder full of my writings. I thought it would be nice to share one with you. It's called Mirage.
As the sun beats against the cold weary ocean, I sense the warmth fallen upon the open water.
The waves ripple across the beach covering glittering sea shells on the salty pacific shore.
Innocent footprints of a playful child soon disappear in the sand.
Flashbacks of old acquaintenses appear in a dream, but soon disappear with the powerful tide.
Tears of solitude resemble raindrops on the wet surface.
All is quiet; all is still.
All that is to be seen are gray clouds desending on this mystical mirage.
As the sun beats against the cold weary ocean, I sense the warmth fallen upon the open water.
The waves ripple across the beach covering glittering sea shells on the salty pacific shore.
Innocent footprints of a playful child soon disappear in the sand.
Flashbacks of old acquaintenses appear in a dream, but soon disappear with the powerful tide.
Tears of solitude resemble raindrops on the wet surface.
All is quiet; all is still.
All that is to be seen are gray clouds desending on this mystical mirage.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Looking through a window
In retrospect, life is like looking through a window. It's hard to see the world outside the window. Sometimes when our lives seem to be full of chaos and disappointment, any positive outlooks are small. It's very easy to slide backwards into despair. I have had the opportunity this weekend to see what true friendship is. The compassion, understanding and kindness shown through. I didn't doubt that these existed, but it's always nice to have that reassurance.
When despair pops up, it takes awhile to recover. The journey of healing can be long and forthcoming, but it will happen if you try everyday to be happy and appreciate life as a gift.
Sometimes windows can be cracked. When their cracked, they can be fixed to weather storms of all sizes.
The motto: Always love yourself and those around you.
When despair pops up, it takes awhile to recover. The journey of healing can be long and forthcoming, but it will happen if you try everyday to be happy and appreciate life as a gift.
Sometimes windows can be cracked. When their cracked, they can be fixed to weather storms of all sizes.
The motto: Always love yourself and those around you.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
A cold day
Boy, it's breezy outside. I rarely go outside anymore. I had talked to my mother yesterday and she recommended that I take a short walk right out in front of my condo. We have a circle in the parking lot that my condo faces. She said it might help my stress and mood. So, I did.
Although it was cold, it felt better to get some fresh air. My temperature was better this morning and although I have a cough and runny nose I do feel alittle better. I slept ok last night and got a quick nap this morning also.
You know I have noticed that if a person dwells on everything that is wrong with them, it affects their outlook on life. I remember I used to go to the park, walk around the complex and see more of my friends, but now I don't. If you have followed my blogs, I'm sure you have noticed that I don't have that perky view of anything right now.
I don't like that I have continued to tell anyone who talks to me how bad I feel all the time. If I had to talk to someone that complains all the time, it would get on my nerves. I think that this journey of mine that I begun 1 year ago has dwendled into a downward spiral. My "rational mind" sees this. I always try to pretend that everything is ok, but it isn't. I find myself sinking into a deep depression. I don't tell my family about this because they would just worry.
I have done alot of research, reading books and searching online that a persons view of themselves can affect their health and environment. It can affect personal relationships and your ability to cope.
When I worked at my last job at UAB I was in charge of a motivational group. I would always hear myself portray this optimistic leader, but inside I was unsure of myself.
It's hard to see outside the box. And now that I have diabetes my depression has gotten worst.
I just don't know what to do to make myself happy anymore. I just go through the motions everyday. I try to think about caring for my cat, because who would do it if I wasn't here.
I think it's important if I remember how hard I've tried to work to stay alive. My sister reminded me of this just recently. It just seems that everything is falling in around me, which is a classic sign of depression. Even if I'm well versed on this, it doesn't make it easier.
I'm glad I blog, because it gives me a chance to look at what I'm thinking and to possibly move forward.
Today is a new day.
Although it was cold, it felt better to get some fresh air. My temperature was better this morning and although I have a cough and runny nose I do feel alittle better. I slept ok last night and got a quick nap this morning also.
You know I have noticed that if a person dwells on everything that is wrong with them, it affects their outlook on life. I remember I used to go to the park, walk around the complex and see more of my friends, but now I don't. If you have followed my blogs, I'm sure you have noticed that I don't have that perky view of anything right now.
I don't like that I have continued to tell anyone who talks to me how bad I feel all the time. If I had to talk to someone that complains all the time, it would get on my nerves. I think that this journey of mine that I begun 1 year ago has dwendled into a downward spiral. My "rational mind" sees this. I always try to pretend that everything is ok, but it isn't. I find myself sinking into a deep depression. I don't tell my family about this because they would just worry.
I have done alot of research, reading books and searching online that a persons view of themselves can affect their health and environment. It can affect personal relationships and your ability to cope.
When I worked at my last job at UAB I was in charge of a motivational group. I would always hear myself portray this optimistic leader, but inside I was unsure of myself.
It's hard to see outside the box. And now that I have diabetes my depression has gotten worst.
I just don't know what to do to make myself happy anymore. I just go through the motions everyday. I try to think about caring for my cat, because who would do it if I wasn't here.
I think it's important if I remember how hard I've tried to work to stay alive. My sister reminded me of this just recently. It just seems that everything is falling in around me, which is a classic sign of depression. Even if I'm well versed on this, it doesn't make it easier.
I'm glad I blog, because it gives me a chance to look at what I'm thinking and to possibly move forward.
Today is a new day.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Taking care
Hi there! I haven't blogged in a few days, sorry. I kind of got down in the dumps. It's not like I wasn't forwarned about this. When I was diagnosed with diabetes, my doctor told me what to espect. For the past few months I have been dealing with sores. Some have gone away, while others have gotten worst. This is just one of the perks of having diabetes. Also, since my immune system is comprimised, I have also been dealing with constant bugs. My doctor told me that these things will come in waves.
It just gets so overwhelming and old. My mother is real worried about me because she says I'm not taking care of myself well enough. Yes, I know that I'm suppose to eat on time everyday and eat at least five small meals a day, but I just haven't felt like it. If it's not running a fever; it's having major spikes in the blood sugars. Having spikes in blood sugars is dangerous because this puts alot of strain on my organs. In the morning my blood sugars are right on target, but in the afternoons their either really low under 70 or their high.
So, it's just been a struggle. I tried to explain it to my parents that it's so hard to manage my blood sugars even after a year. I've gotten into a major slump. I have tried to eat more in the past two days. This has allowed me to have more energy and less headaches. When you have to worry about eating when your suppose to and dealing with virus's and infections, your plate becomes full. I'm not complaining because I know that I am fortunate to have the best medical care, it just gets harder to fight the complications of diabetes.
I sometimes think, am I going to be able to do this for the rest of my life? And how long will that be?
I've delt with discouraging thoughts before, so I know what to do. Sometimes it's difficult to stay happy and optimistic.
I just have to continue to believe God will give me strength to overcome. I have a supportive family and friends to get me through.
It just gets so overwhelming and old. My mother is real worried about me because she says I'm not taking care of myself well enough. Yes, I know that I'm suppose to eat on time everyday and eat at least five small meals a day, but I just haven't felt like it. If it's not running a fever; it's having major spikes in the blood sugars. Having spikes in blood sugars is dangerous because this puts alot of strain on my organs. In the morning my blood sugars are right on target, but in the afternoons their either really low under 70 or their high.
So, it's just been a struggle. I tried to explain it to my parents that it's so hard to manage my blood sugars even after a year. I've gotten into a major slump. I have tried to eat more in the past two days. This has allowed me to have more energy and less headaches. When you have to worry about eating when your suppose to and dealing with virus's and infections, your plate becomes full. I'm not complaining because I know that I am fortunate to have the best medical care, it just gets harder to fight the complications of diabetes.
I sometimes think, am I going to be able to do this for the rest of my life? And how long will that be?
I've delt with discouraging thoughts before, so I know what to do. Sometimes it's difficult to stay happy and optimistic.
I just have to continue to believe God will give me strength to overcome. I have a supportive family and friends to get me through.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
A Blessing
I can't believe that I actually slept a full 8 hours last night. I have not done that in months. I woke up and the sun was shinning. It's normally still dark when I get up. I had no headache and exhausted feeling.
Although we had stormy weather yesterday, I was able to get out and go to one of my favorite stores, World Market. One of my friends took me. I get real nervous driving in the rain.
I do have to say that my friend, my good friend is so supportive and giving. She's made me want to trust people again. She has this carefree way about her that radiates strangers towards her. She does have a gentle soul.
I am fortunate to have a sister that I can talk to about things that are bothering me. We haven't been close for our entire life, but we are now. We both understand each other and respect one another. She has pulled me out of some of my darkest days to the side of hope and understanding. Even my brother and I talk to each other sometimes. I am also close to my parents. I know some people that don't have relationships with their parents and I think "what a shame."
I feel very blessed.
Although we had stormy weather yesterday, I was able to get out and go to one of my favorite stores, World Market. One of my friends took me. I get real nervous driving in the rain.
I do have to say that my friend, my good friend is so supportive and giving. She's made me want to trust people again. She has this carefree way about her that radiates strangers towards her. She does have a gentle soul.
I am fortunate to have a sister that I can talk to about things that are bothering me. We haven't been close for our entire life, but we are now. We both understand each other and respect one another. She has pulled me out of some of my darkest days to the side of hope and understanding. Even my brother and I talk to each other sometimes. I am also close to my parents. I know some people that don't have relationships with their parents and I think "what a shame."
I feel very blessed.
Friday, March 4, 2011
In the wee hours
You know even if it's 4:40am, I've had a full six hours of sleep. I usually go to bed early. It's kind of nice waking up this early because everything is quiet. There no sounds of traffic outside or people bustling around. It's funny that I don't even hear the birds churping. And for some reason my computer runs faster this early.
I'm watching a great movie on TV. Do you remember Baby Boom? Like I've blogged before, there are great movies shown early.
One of my favorite things to do is to go outside on my patio and drink my coffee at this hour.. There's a cool brisk in the air. I've even thought of going for a walk, but I probably wouldn't feel safe. You never know what lurks outside in the dark.
If I got the newspaper, I would probably be on first name basis with the paper boy. Thats funny. Butter of course is an early riser too. Sometimes she "makes biscuts" on my shoulder alerting me that there is a new day. "Making biscuts" is an old saying. This is when cats moves there front paws up and down. It signified when they were nursing. They usually do it when they feel secure and happy.
Although she's into everything, knocking things on the floor, pulling the stopper out of the sink, scratching on furniture and snipping [ not breaking the skin ] she's a pretty cool cat.
She's so funny. I've never seen a cat who is so natural sleeping on her back with all of her paws in the air leaving her belly exposed. Sometimes she likes her belly to be rubbed. Most cats don't like that.
When I first brought her home, she was a bit farel. No one had spent one on one time with her. She was in a rescue center and fostered three times. The rescue center told me that she had been thrown out of a moving car at 5 weeks old. I often wonder how these despicable people do the things they do. How could anyone harm animals. This is just pure evil in my book.
Now, Butter is fat and sassy and rules the roost. She is 14 months old now. I catch myself having conversations with her. Like she would understand. The one word she jumps to is of course "treats." When I can't find her in the house or she doesn't come to my call, I say "treats" and here she comes.
I remember when I first got her, I would call her Molly. Molly was my beloved friend who I had to put down because of an unknown illness. There was no hope for her even after I took her to three different vets. She had stopped eating and was having these convulsions throwing up bile. It was awful.
Butter is pretty healthy. She's a good eater,active and a good pooper. I laugh at this all the time, because she's constantly eating. Molly always had diaherria, threw up and was sick all the time. But I do have pictures of Molly in the house to remind me of her.
I've just been rambling on. Have a happy Friday!!!!
I'm watching a great movie on TV. Do you remember Baby Boom? Like I've blogged before, there are great movies shown early.
One of my favorite things to do is to go outside on my patio and drink my coffee at this hour.. There's a cool brisk in the air. I've even thought of going for a walk, but I probably wouldn't feel safe. You never know what lurks outside in the dark.
If I got the newspaper, I would probably be on first name basis with the paper boy. Thats funny. Butter of course is an early riser too. Sometimes she "makes biscuts" on my shoulder alerting me that there is a new day. "Making biscuts" is an old saying. This is when cats moves there front paws up and down. It signified when they were nursing. They usually do it when they feel secure and happy.
Although she's into everything, knocking things on the floor, pulling the stopper out of the sink, scratching on furniture and snipping [ not breaking the skin ] she's a pretty cool cat.
She's so funny. I've never seen a cat who is so natural sleeping on her back with all of her paws in the air leaving her belly exposed. Sometimes she likes her belly to be rubbed. Most cats don't like that.
When I first brought her home, she was a bit farel. No one had spent one on one time with her. She was in a rescue center and fostered three times. The rescue center told me that she had been thrown out of a moving car at 5 weeks old. I often wonder how these despicable people do the things they do. How could anyone harm animals. This is just pure evil in my book.
Now, Butter is fat and sassy and rules the roost. She is 14 months old now. I catch myself having conversations with her. Like she would understand. The one word she jumps to is of course "treats." When I can't find her in the house or she doesn't come to my call, I say "treats" and here she comes.
I remember when I first got her, I would call her Molly. Molly was my beloved friend who I had to put down because of an unknown illness. There was no hope for her even after I took her to three different vets. She had stopped eating and was having these convulsions throwing up bile. It was awful.
Butter is pretty healthy. She's a good eater,active and a good pooper. I laugh at this all the time, because she's constantly eating. Molly always had diaherria, threw up and was sick all the time. But I do have pictures of Molly in the house to remind me of her.
I've just been rambling on. Have a happy Friday!!!!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
A bit of sunshine
I had gotten flowers for my Birthday a few weeks ago and it was so nice. My whole home smelled so good. So, when i was out today I bought two bouquets of flowers. They brighten up my days and their so pretty. I think I am going to continue to get flowers for my home.
At the grocery store I go to there is this old woman who is so nice to me. She always wishes me well. I think that is important. And it always makes you want to return there.
A little bit of kindness goes a long way.
At the grocery store I go to there is this old woman who is so nice to me. She always wishes me well. I think that is important. And it always makes you want to return there.
A little bit of kindness goes a long way.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Am I used to this yet?
You know it's been a year now that I have been diagnosed with diabetes. Even though I have injected about a thousand times now, I don't think I am used to it. When you inject, you can't inject in the same area each time. So, the general rule is to go from left to right on your stomach. Sometimes you hit an old hole. This is when it hurts. Sometimes you hit blood vessels which this sucks, cause the next day you'll get a bruise. I have found that if I ease the needle in slowly I can't feel it. I used to be squeemish when it came to any needles. Like the ones you would get at your annual doctors appointments. Now, I'm not.
My fingers have calusses on them now, so when I test my blood sugar 5 x a day it rarely hurts. I have started testing on my arms, because sometimes it's hard to get blood from my fingers. I am used to being on a routine when taking my oral medications. When I wake up I have to take four pills. Then at 4:30pm I have one pill. At 5:00pm I take another pill. At 7:00pm I take my last pill. Then I inject at 8:00pm. So in total I have to take seven pills to keep my pancreas making insulin also my heart medication, chloresteral and a suppliment for hair growth. My hair fell out one year ago. It's taken awhile for my hair to get back to normal.
I have periods of digestive problems which is a side effect to the insulin. I thought once my sugars where well managed, my insomnia would get better. I quess it has for the most part, but I still go through periods of time when I don't sleep.
So, for a year now I have had to get used to this life style change. I remember before I was diagnosed the only pill I would take would be an advil or tylonal for a headache. When your life depends on these medications, it's imparitive to adjust.
I haven't blogged in a long while about my diabetes. It was being diagnosed with diabetes that started my blogging. I went back today and looked at my first blogs. Boy, I can say that I have learned alot about this past year. It's interesting that having a life threatening desease can make you stronger. It also makes you have a strong will to survive. I have learned what my limitations are and how strong my immune system is. I do get sick more often now, but I drink lots of water, exercise and try to eat when I'm suppose to eat. The only good thing about this is that I'm not as heavy as I used to be. Your appetite changes. And sometimes you're not hungry at all.
I believe that God doesn't give you challanges in your life that you can't handle. Although this has been hard, I feel blessed that I appreciate what life gives you. And it's up to you to make your miracle happen.
My fingers have calusses on them now, so when I test my blood sugar 5 x a day it rarely hurts. I have started testing on my arms, because sometimes it's hard to get blood from my fingers. I am used to being on a routine when taking my oral medications. When I wake up I have to take four pills. Then at 4:30pm I have one pill. At 5:00pm I take another pill. At 7:00pm I take my last pill. Then I inject at 8:00pm. So in total I have to take seven pills to keep my pancreas making insulin also my heart medication, chloresteral and a suppliment for hair growth. My hair fell out one year ago. It's taken awhile for my hair to get back to normal.
I have periods of digestive problems which is a side effect to the insulin. I thought once my sugars where well managed, my insomnia would get better. I quess it has for the most part, but I still go through periods of time when I don't sleep.
So, for a year now I have had to get used to this life style change. I remember before I was diagnosed the only pill I would take would be an advil or tylonal for a headache. When your life depends on these medications, it's imparitive to adjust.
I haven't blogged in a long while about my diabetes. It was being diagnosed with diabetes that started my blogging. I went back today and looked at my first blogs. Boy, I can say that I have learned alot about this past year. It's interesting that having a life threatening desease can make you stronger. It also makes you have a strong will to survive. I have learned what my limitations are and how strong my immune system is. I do get sick more often now, but I drink lots of water, exercise and try to eat when I'm suppose to eat. The only good thing about this is that I'm not as heavy as I used to be. Your appetite changes. And sometimes you're not hungry at all.
I believe that God doesn't give you challanges in your life that you can't handle. Although this has been hard, I feel blessed that I appreciate what life gives you. And it's up to you to make your miracle happen.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Around the corner
Whats so nice about this time of year is all of the new growth outside. Although we are still in winter, these high temperatures have caused early blooms. My parents have about five cherry trees in their yard. When I was over there Sunday, they were all in bloom and just gorgious. They were the color of this pastel pink.
I think we'll still have cold weather for the next few weeks, but I also think we are going to have an early spring.
And of course when that happens, the allergy season will begin. But it's worth it. The winter just seems so dreary. When you start seeing bright colors around, it starts to lift you up. I can't wait to go the botanical gardens in the spring. And even go to a neighborhood garden called Aldridge Gardens.
I'm going to try to learn how to post pictures on my blog site this spring. I don't have a digital camera, but maybe I can borrow one.
If you have been following my blog, I have been sleeping better in the past two days. I have never been one that can have a steady sleeping pattern. I'll go through weeks at a time where I get maybe two hours of rest a night. Or I'll wake up all night. It does make it worst when I have a bug. But thats slowly getting better.
I think we'll still have cold weather for the next few weeks, but I also think we are going to have an early spring.
And of course when that happens, the allergy season will begin. But it's worth it. The winter just seems so dreary. When you start seeing bright colors around, it starts to lift you up. I can't wait to go the botanical gardens in the spring. And even go to a neighborhood garden called Aldridge Gardens.
I'm going to try to learn how to post pictures on my blog site this spring. I don't have a digital camera, but maybe I can borrow one.
If you have been following my blog, I have been sleeping better in the past two days. I have never been one that can have a steady sleeping pattern. I'll go through weeks at a time where I get maybe two hours of rest a night. Or I'll wake up all night. It does make it worst when I have a bug. But thats slowly getting better.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)