difficult times

Hey. Well it's been a few weeks since I blogged again. The title to this blog represents the last two days. Basically I have been hiding behind things that aren't true and now my family knows about it. I feel ashamed of myself. I went to see a therapist this afternoon to "talk" it out. I am going to be going to  see this man from this day on.
I hate lying and now I just have to face it and own it. My reasons for doing this were at that time to protect myself. Ever since I went on disability I have been hiding in my house, only venturing out to run to the grocery store, get gas or run errands. I've lied to my family cause I didn't want them to know that I have been too afraid to live my life.
All the time that this was going on I knew it was wrong, but I just kept doing it. I told my mother the truth today and she was very angry. Which she should act that way. I don't blame her. And my sister knows about it too. My father was being told tonight, which I didn't hear from him. He's gonna be disgusted, furious and sad that I have been lying all this time.
I guess I don't blame them for feeling like they can't trust me anymore. I just have to keep telling myself that it's going to be OK. I have to from this point on be honest and trustworthy.
After a few days, all of this will sink in with everyone and hopefully I will have their forgiveness.

Hello!

I know, I know.. It's been a long time again since I checked in.
I've been dealing with a lot of pain lately. About a month ago I fell down a flight of stairs landing on my left side. So naturally my left arm, hip and knee were affected. My arm was the first to bother me, but that went away in about two weeks time. Now, I've had a time with my hip. So, I've been taking Tylonal and Advil around the clock. It's made my stomach hurt.
On this past Thursday, I woke up to shooting pain down my leg from my hip. I finally went to see a doctor about this. I had my left side xrayed. There were no breaks anywhere just tissue damage.
At least I had it checked out.
So, I'm back to taking Advil. I've pulled muscles from my hip down to my leg and knee.
If I take baby steps it doesn't hurt as much. The doctor told me that it can be anywhere from a couple of weeks to a couple of months before I start feeling better.
Woopie!

Another blog

Hey there! I know it's been awhile since I wrote. Time just gets away from me. I've been doing my spring cleaning all day. I covered my face with a bandana and swept off my pollen filled porch. That was a job within it's self.
And for the last few hours I have been exchanging my winter clothes over to summer clothes. It sounds easy, but my closet is so small I have to literally take everything out of it to get to my cedar chest where all of my clothes are stored. And Oh, I have the many boxes stacked high around the chest, that my bedroom now looks like a rummage sale.
I hate doing this, but I have too. It's just been too hot to wear long sleeves anymore.
Next, I have to dust. My hardwood floors are littered with dust balls. And if you look under my furniture, it's a disaster with dust. Oh and I can't forget to change the filter in my AC. I just turned it on this past week. I have a feeling that we are going to have a hot summer.
Oh and that pollen all over my car. The only relief I get from that is when it rains. We're not allowed to get the hose and hose down our cars in the parking lot. It's a shame too. But the management is worried about wasting too much water. It also could be because our water bills are going to increase and that means a higher association fee.
What else...
I'm still volunteering and trying to stay busy. Still on my weight program. Still exercising. So all in all everything is still the same.
I do have to say that I saw the cutest guy at the post office the other day. My "desires" in a man have changed. I'm now noticing guys with salt and pepper gray hair. If he's got kids, thats OK. Of course he has to have teeth. That's funny. It makes me think of news channels interviewing folks on TV. It always seems that the interview people with no teeth. How could people not take care of their teeth? And not brushing their teeth everyday? Yuk!!!!
What got me off on that?
Well, I better get back to my chores. Have a great weekend...

Sunday

Well, the first day of spring was this week and it feels like the first day of winter. It seems that it's always like that every year. But I do have to say that the winter wasn't very cold at all.
It's almost April.
I had my nephews dog, Lucy this weekend. My nephew and my sister went to the beach for spring break this year.
The family beach trip is coming up in July and I haven't decided yet if I'm going to go this year. I would like to get away, but to a peaceful place. It's not going to be peaceful with four teenagers going on the trip. And it's always real hot in July, so I'm still considering it. Knowing me, I probably won't be going.
I'm still walking a lot for my exercise program. I walk about two miles every other day now. I was walking daily, but I've had so much trouble with my knees that I'm walking every other day now.
It's Sunday today and I'm doing my household chores. You know, washing clothes, dusting and vacuming.
Not much else to report for the day. I hope everyone has a good week next week.

Spring

Spring is in the air. It's 70 degrees and beautiful. I wish I could take a long walk, but unfortunately I have done something to my knee and it's all swollen. So, I'm off of it for a few days.
I'm weening myself off of Nutrisystem now. Going to be getting on a full protein diet that my Dad has designed for his patients. I have about two months worth of Nutrisystem food left but after thats it's going to be all protein.
So I don't think I'll hit any hunger spells on this. I'm still walking on my program and going to the gym for weight lifting.
The gym has toned me up somewhat. I guess I've been toning up for about five months now. My membership will last until October. I don't have my own personal trainer anymore, but I've learned what to do.
There are so many good classic movies on today. I love the TCM channel. I prefer older movies to newly released movies. So I've been hunkered down today in front of the TV.
Well thats about it for me today. I hope everyone has a good weekend.

Beautiful

Boy, it's so pretty outside. Just a cool breeze and the sun is shining. There's this black cat that I have made friends with who lives in the complex. He followed me on my walk this afternoon. He loves to be held and petted. I thought he would be scared and run away when we came across some dogs, but he didn't. He just walked closer to me.
I just found out yesterday that I will be keeping my sisters cutie pie dog this month. Her name is Lucy and she's just the best dog. I'll have her about four days and I can't wait.
I still don't want a dog of my own. I've enjoyed not having to take care of a pet day in and day out. So keeping Lucy will be a breeze.
Today, I've been on my new exercise program for eleven days now. I walked everyday last week and so far I have walked everyday this week. I have so much more energy. I think it's not only the walking I've done but also the protein I've been eating.
And I'm sleeping better at night too.
Well thats about all for me today. Talk later...

Monday

Hi... I'm home today with a major migrane headache. I even tried to walk this morning, but I got nauseated. It's kind of hard to see the computer screen because it's so bright. So, I guess I won't be doing much until this goes away. I don't have a Rx for any medicines for headaches. So I just have to wing it.
It was so beautiful this past weekend. I figured out that I walked approximately 5 miles. I've beefed up my exercise program. I'm just having a hard time getting these extra pounds off. My counselor from NutriSystem says that a lot of it has to do with the medications I take for my diabetes.
My goal in this weight loss program is to loose enough weight that I don't have to inject insulin anymore.
Gosh, wouldn't that be nice. Basically if I loose the weight I can go into remission with the diabetes and just get by taking oral medications for it. Of course, I will always be sensitive to carbs, but it would be much more manageable.
Are you ready for this cold weather to end? I am. I'm into the spring. There's nothing like going to the park on a spring day. Taking my camera and some bread to feed the ducks. And walking around the lake. So many outdoor activities. Spring is just around the corner.
Well, I hope everyone has a good week.