Hey. Well it's been a few weeks since I blogged again. The title to this blog represents the last two days. Basically I have been hiding behind things that aren't true and now my family knows about it. I feel ashamed of myself. I went to see a therapist this afternoon to "talk" it out. I am going to be going to see this man from this day on.
I hate lying and now I just have to face it and own it. My reasons for doing this were at that time to protect myself. Ever since I went on disability I have been hiding in my house, only venturing out to run to the grocery store, get gas or run errands. I've lied to my family cause I didn't want them to know that I have been too afraid to live my life.
All the time that this was going on I knew it was wrong, but I just kept doing it. I told my mother the truth today and she was very angry. Which she should act that way. I don't blame her. And my sister knows about it too. My father was being told tonight, which I didn't hear from him. He's gonna be disgusted, furious and sad that I have been lying all this time.
I guess I don't blame them for feeling like they can't trust me anymore. I just have to keep telling myself that it's going to be OK. I have to from this point on be honest and trustworthy.
After a few days, all of this will sink in with everyone and hopefully I will have their forgiveness.
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