Friday

Boy, I over did it on Wednesday at the gym. Every time I take a step, just walking my knee pops. I did an hour on my cardio then and I thought I wouldn't be sore. Today when I woke up, my knee just throbbed.
I tried walking around my neighborhood this morning, but that didn't work either. I've taken advil every six to eight hours and still it hurts. I guess I need to get a knee brace the next time I go to the gym.
Not much else going on today. I've been shredding a bunch of financial statements. I'm one of these folks that don't throw away anything. So now, my filing system is just bursting.
Oh and I weighed last Sunday and I've lost 16 pounds. Going to the gym, eating low carbs and just being more active is the result of the weight loss. I've got eighty more pounds to loose. That sounds like a lot, but my dad seems to think that if I continue to do what I'm doing now it may take 6 to 8 months more. I don't see it. I'm thinking it will take at least a year to loose the rest. We'll see.
But I know that I am completely committed to this now. I'm tired of making excuses for myself. Tired of being fat. I have so many cute outfits that I can't wear. Heck, I have a whole wardrobe just waiting for me. And when I go to the gym, I'm not self conscious because I see ladies in there that are even bigger than I am. And everyone are so helpful.
When I joined the gym, I had a fitness trainer design my program. But I haven't seen him since. So when I go to the gym, I work my program which is one the first day I do the 30 minute circuit training. This has different weight machines working your back, legs, arms, shoulders and abs. Then it has a step up bar on the floor where you step up and down. On the second day, I do 30 minutes of cardio, then work on my abs. On the third day I do what I did on the first day. And on the fourth day I do what I did on the second day. So all in all I am working on resistance and cardio. My heart rate was 158 when I started two weeks ago, but now it's 144. The target heart rate for my age is 110, so I've got a long way to go. The higher your heart rate is shows how out of shape you are.
I'm confident that the more time goes by, my stamina will get better.

4th. of July

Happy July 4th. I can't believe it's already July. Too bad it's going to be storming today. I still plan on watching the fireworks over Vulcan park. I'll be watching them on Fox6. I can't remember the last time I ventured out to Homewood to see the show. I think we did that when my nephew was little.
Not much more going on today. I slept in and have been watching movies all day. I didn't go into the gym this morning, giving my knees a break. Yesterday I did my cardio for an hour then I played around with the weights. I feel like I over did it.
My blood sugars have been real good lately. I had to go down on one of my medications because it was making me sick. But otherwise from that my diabetes is going well.
Well I hope everyone has a nice holiday.

Volunteering

Hey! It's the beginning of the month and whats a nice thing to do is to volunteer. I started my first day at the Botanical Gardens. We did Membership Renewal Mail outs. It was a lot of fun. There were about three other volunteers there helping out. I met some of the nicest people. Oh and the staff over there were very thankful that we were there. They have a really neat business office. Every person I met. either in the office or on the grounds were nice.
Then I had a doctors appointment in the afternoon. It was across town. The drive wasn't too bad, just some crazy people on the road.
All in all, I had a pretty good day. I like this new busy feeling.

Wednesday

Hello all. Well I'm on my fourth day to working out. It's going pretty well. I've met my goals everyday
and I have lots more energy. I'm still waiting for this new volunteer job to follow through. I do go on Monday. But after that I just have to see if they will need me. If this turns out to be a job that is
"as needed" then I will find another place to volunteer where I'll be on a schedule.
I have seen two friends that I haven't seen in awhile. So thats been nice. I even went to the park
last weekend and had a good walk. It felt good to be around people again. I've sort of been isolating myself lately.
Nothing else is going on. I hope everyone has a good week.

exercise

Well, I started at the gym this morning. I did a cardio circuit workout that involves eight [ i think ] different machines and a step up where you lift one leg at a time and step up on this block. The machines work your arms, legs, chest, abs and back. Then I rode the bike.
Tomorrow I'll do a 30 minute cardio workout either riding the bike or walking on the treadmill. Then on the third day I'll do what I did today. On the fourth day I'll do the cardio workout and abs. It was really neat, you go in and create your own fitness program month by month. And there's always staff there to show you how to do a machine.
I'm already sore in my knees. I think it will get easier as time goes by. But I'm committed. And I saw other women there that are about my size, so I'm not so self absorbed with the way I look. All I can do is my best. But the key is to keep moving even if I get tired. If I can't do the workout, I should just march in place. I think I can do that...

busy

Well, I've been busy this week. I joined a gym and I found a place to volunteer at. It's the Birmingham Botanical Gardens. I met the volunteer coordinator today and he real nice. I'll volunteer three days a week. I'll be helping with office work and working in the library.
I'll also start back with the Wildlife center in July. So, my schedule will be full. And I'll just schedule my doctors appointments around my other stuff. I plan on going to the gym every week day, so hopefully I'll loose more weight. I am still on the low carb diet my father designed and thats doing good.
I'm not as depressed as I was a few days ago. Hopefully I can keep a positive attitude because that makes things easier. All in all I feel a little better about myself.

difficult times

Hey. Well it's been a few weeks since I blogged again. The title to this blog represents the last two days. Basically I have been hiding behind things that aren't true and now my family knows about it. I feel ashamed of myself. I went to see a therapist this afternoon to "talk" it out. I am going to be going to  see this man from this day on.
I hate lying and now I just have to face it and own it. My reasons for doing this were at that time to protect myself. Ever since I went on disability I have been hiding in my house, only venturing out to run to the grocery store, get gas or run errands. I've lied to my family cause I didn't want them to know that I have been too afraid to live my life.
All the time that this was going on I knew it was wrong, but I just kept doing it. I told my mother the truth today and she was very angry. Which she should act that way. I don't blame her. And my sister knows about it too. My father was being told tonight, which I didn't hear from him. He's gonna be disgusted, furious and sad that I have been lying all this time.
I guess I don't blame them for feeling like they can't trust me anymore. I just have to keep telling myself that it's going to be OK. I have to from this point on be honest and trustworthy.
After a few days, all of this will sink in with everyone and hopefully I will have their forgiveness.