Wednesday

Hello all. Well I'm on my fourth day to working out. It's going pretty well. I've met my goals everyday
and I have lots more energy. I'm still waiting for this new volunteer job to follow through. I do go on Monday. But after that I just have to see if they will need me. If this turns out to be a job that is
"as needed" then I will find another place to volunteer where I'll be on a schedule.
I have seen two friends that I haven't seen in awhile. So thats been nice. I even went to the park
last weekend and had a good walk. It felt good to be around people again. I've sort of been isolating myself lately.
Nothing else is going on. I hope everyone has a good week.

exercise

Well, I started at the gym this morning. I did a cardio circuit workout that involves eight [ i think ] different machines and a step up where you lift one leg at a time and step up on this block. The machines work your arms, legs, chest, abs and back. Then I rode the bike.
Tomorrow I'll do a 30 minute cardio workout either riding the bike or walking on the treadmill. Then on the third day I'll do what I did today. On the fourth day I'll do the cardio workout and abs. It was really neat, you go in and create your own fitness program month by month. And there's always staff there to show you how to do a machine.
I'm already sore in my knees. I think it will get easier as time goes by. But I'm committed. And I saw other women there that are about my size, so I'm not so self absorbed with the way I look. All I can do is my best. But the key is to keep moving even if I get tired. If I can't do the workout, I should just march in place. I think I can do that...

busy

Well, I've been busy this week. I joined a gym and I found a place to volunteer at. It's the Birmingham Botanical Gardens. I met the volunteer coordinator today and he real nice. I'll volunteer three days a week. I'll be helping with office work and working in the library.
I'll also start back with the Wildlife center in July. So, my schedule will be full. And I'll just schedule my doctors appointments around my other stuff. I plan on going to the gym every week day, so hopefully I'll loose more weight. I am still on the low carb diet my father designed and thats doing good.
I'm not as depressed as I was a few days ago. Hopefully I can keep a positive attitude because that makes things easier. All in all I feel a little better about myself.

difficult times

Hey. Well it's been a few weeks since I blogged again. The title to this blog represents the last two days. Basically I have been hiding behind things that aren't true and now my family knows about it. I feel ashamed of myself. I went to see a therapist this afternoon to "talk" it out. I am going to be going to  see this man from this day on.
I hate lying and now I just have to face it and own it. My reasons for doing this were at that time to protect myself. Ever since I went on disability I have been hiding in my house, only venturing out to run to the grocery store, get gas or run errands. I've lied to my family cause I didn't want them to know that I have been too afraid to live my life.
All the time that this was going on I knew it was wrong, but I just kept doing it. I told my mother the truth today and she was very angry. Which she should act that way. I don't blame her. And my sister knows about it too. My father was being told tonight, which I didn't hear from him. He's gonna be disgusted, furious and sad that I have been lying all this time.
I guess I don't blame them for feeling like they can't trust me anymore. I just have to keep telling myself that it's going to be OK. I have to from this point on be honest and trustworthy.
After a few days, all of this will sink in with everyone and hopefully I will have their forgiveness.